Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Television's leading entertainers spent their airtime mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play system for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical Christmas tune about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... ruins all he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new program that allows overseas nationals to buy U.S. residence for the price of a million dollars, or "platinum" option for $5 million. A government website promises processing "in record time."

"A brief note here to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, involving large payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval ratings during financial anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.