The Advice given by A Parent That Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I think I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You need support. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a broader inability to talk between men, who often hold onto damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a respite - spending a few days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."